Jess Rothenberg
375 pages
There's Not Another Teen Movie. Then there's Vampires Suck. The next parody movie that needs to be made is Not Another Dead Kid. That sounds harsh, but really, it's not.
Between Shade (dead boyfriend) and 13 Reasons Why (over dramatic dead girl) and various other books that deal with the topic of death, something bad has happened. No one is really dead. I mean, like, completely dead. Like, I have zero influence on the plot because I'm totally fucking dead dead.That's not the issue I really have with The Catastrophic History of You and Me. The issue is the dead girl herself: Brie. Brie who dies when her boyfriend says "I don't love you." Because, you know, that happens all the time and a boyfriend is something that you should base your ENTIRE existence on. He should be your social life, your best friend, your study buddy, your barf barf barf.
Brie--without knowing how clingy she comes off as--is dead. She can influence some events (push things, let people feel her presence) and is running around San Francisco with a teenagemalepotentialloveinterest* trying to figure out how to move on. That's the plot.
Oh. And she won't shut the fuck up, either.
Really. She will not stop whining. Mostly every conversation in every chapter goes like this:
Brie: I should be alive and able to (insert whatever).
Teen Angel: You can't. You're dead.
Or the teen angel makes some other kind of a quip as to how dead Brie is. It was all so CSI: Miami. I was just waiting for that yell: YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH as one of them put on their sunglasses.**
It's something I can't handle. Teen characters being all whiny and repetitive. Catastrophic wasn't horrible. It has its moments. The afterlife is part pizzeria? Sign me up. There's an adorable dog. There's a... each chapter opens with a quote from a song!
There's also a great father character that didn't get enough time in the book. Instead it was boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend. It's just a book I couldn't get into. I guess it's a dead giveaway that this one didn't live up to its potential... YEEEAAAAAHHHHH.
Two Out of Five Fucks Given
*It's one word now.
**YEEEEAAAAHHHH!
Full Disclosure: I read this on my Kindle.
I woke up and saw you tweeted this review. This is on display at my bookstoreandwhile I love the cover I kept wondering if I actually wanted to read it. I think you did a good job of answering that question for me so thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for also including a CSI: Miami reference. That made my morning.
The cover is interesting. The book... eh.
DeleteYou're welcome. I actually liked CSI: Miami because it was so darn bad.
Best line ever-------
ReplyDeleteIt was all so CSI: Miami. I was just waiting for that yell: YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH as one of them put on their sunglasses.*
Thank you.
DeleteI really couldn't find a better way to describe it.
This is the best review ever. I hate whining girls who have no existence outside of their boyfriend (in books or in life).
ReplyDeleteI'll probably stay away from this book but I greatly enjoyed reading your thoughts on it.
Haha. Thank you! Yes. I just couldn't handle her. It was just "Really? You have to bring this up again, and again, and again?"
DeleteWhen I first heard about this book I had a sneaking suspicion that it would be exactly the way you described it. And now your review has convinced. I will not be picking this one up
ReplyDeleteI just can't do the Teen Angel stuff anymore. Especially Teen Angel with a love triangle.
DeleteI hate that you disliked this one so much, particularly since I may have suggested it to you.
ReplyDeleteThis cover is really pretty to me. I would've picked it up based on the cover alone, but you know how I'm weird like that. I probably will eventually read it since I bought it. But I'll totally have your comedic thoughts behind it rather than just the story itself, so YAY for that.
It was on a list of like ten things to read.
DeleteSo you're still going to read it? I think you'll enjoy it. Particularly lead male character. Like I said, it wasn't for me, and you'll find out why.
Gah this one was so unfortunate.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunate for me to have picked it up I mean. I couldn't even finish it, and I'm 100% sure you cannot like this book unless you're a 13 year old girl (which isn't bad, you'd grow up eventually).
I am so glad you agree!
DeleteI couldn't do it. I just couldn't. I can't believe I even finished it all the way through. I actually punched air a few times.
Holy Crap I laughed so hard when I read this.
ReplyDeleteIts been freakin forever since Ive seen ANY of the CSIs and now Im going to havethe CSI miami song in my head all day!!
Anyways,I really cant stand whiny characters, especially whiny Main characters!
Ugh.
Fantastic review!
I am now following you!
(if you feel the urge, you can come follow me back at My BLOG)
:)
Thank you Mrs. Jones!
DeleteI can't stand whiny characters. This one wasn't the worst... but she was up there.