I'm having a bit of a crisis this week. I think everyone has that person in their life that recommends a movie, or a book, or anything really, and asks a follow-up question: "Have you reached the part yet where Blank dies?"
So this week's question why the f*ck did you just tell me that? relates to some peoples abilities to ruin a series or a book for you by telling you a plot detail by asking a question. I've tried--my entire life--to understand how f*cking dumb these people are to ask those sorts of questions. I've also tried--my entire life--to understand how to respond when this happens.
The Following in a Conversation About Season Two of HBO's Weeds:
Me: Hey dude! I'm finally on season two of weeds! Thanks for letting me borrow the DVDs. Coworker: Cool! Has Uturn died yet?
Me: Who's Uturn?
Coworker: You should already be on that part.
Coworker: Oh wait. That's season three.
I've had plenty of instances in my life where similar things have happened. I've had the endings of various movies ruined for me because of loud conversations that I walk in on, I've had books ruined for me because of comments on my blog, or because I've borrowed said book and the person is so excited that I'm reading that they ask me "Have you reached the part where they finally hookup?"*
These kinds of questions are a huge problem: enter the solution!
The Solution to a Conversation About Season Two of HBO's Weeds:
Me: Hey dude! I'm finally on season two of weeds! Thanks for letting me borrow the DVDs!
Coworker: Cool! Are you at the part where Uturn dies yet?
Me: Fuck you. Here's your DVDs back.
Or, The Solution to a Conversation About Season Two of HBO's Weeds II:
Coworker: How far along are you?
Me: Nah nah nah nah nah nah. Not talking about it. Nah nah nah. (hands over ears).
I've actually done the hands over ears thing before. Which I think is acceptable. I also now believe that it's acceptable to call that person out. Gone is the awkwardness of before. If people aren't going to keep their mouth shut, or ruin the plot twist, I'm going to point it out to them.
|Save your commentary |
for after I finish the book.
But really, I've found the easiest solution has been to keep my mouth shut about what I'm watching or what I'm reading. It makes it much harder for people to ruin things for you that way. Of course, there's always that person in the breakroom discussing The Avengers in detail.
Tips/Etiquette to Not Get Stuff Spoiled for You:
- Don't mention which show you're currently watching. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
- You're allowed to shut the person down if they bring up the show. Especially if they've ruined something for you before. "I don't want to talk about it. No. I don't want any part of it ruined."
- Tell other people you want them to stop talking about the book/show. "Can we not talk about this? I don't want it ruined." YOU ARE ALLOWED TO ASK YOUR FRIENDS TO DO THIS.
- Don't start a blog.
*I've also had Vampire Diaries ruined for me. Thanks Beth! Yes, I'm calling you out because you knew I was on season one of the show yet you told me which character dies.