Sanity Level: Gary Busey
Update: So much information in this book is distilled from various sources and given to a main character in the following formula: "I heard someone talking about it" + "I suspected it" = "It's totally true!" I've never wanted to punch every character in a book in the face but here we are.
The Dashwood sisters have not left London and are still with Plump Mrs. Jennings. Which is all fine by Colonel Brandon because he shows up to tell Elinor his back history. It's kind of like the mid-beginning point in Jurassic Park where George Hammond explains how the dinosaurs are made and how they won't rip off the faces of visitors.*
So anyways. Colonel Brandon explains Will Bow Bow's history to Elinor to tell Marianne to cheer her up. But that isn't exactly what happens. We find out more about Colonel Brandon than we do Will Bow Bow. To sum up four pages of back story: Colonel Brandon was in love with his childhood friend (awww) who was married off to his brother (ouch) and Marianne reminds him of her. To sum up what we find out about Will Bow Bow: he's a man-whore.
To sum up my summary of the already summarized summary above: it would appear that Colonel Brandon is telling Elinor a sob story to get into her panties.
From a night of more sleep than she had expected, Marianne awoke the next morning to the same consciousness of misery in which she had closed her eyes.Yeah, Marianne is still Stephanie on Full House. If she does not stop crying, does not stop whining, then I might have to pretend she doesn't exist; just like how Austen pretends that Margaret (the third Dashwood sister in this book) doesn't exist.
Marianne has finally figured out that Mrs. Jennings only keeps her around because she's a source of drama. Mrs. Jennings reminds me of a few people I know. Good to know these people were mucking about in the 19th century.
There's also a part where the Dashwood Sisters run into their brother John Dashwood. He figures out fairly quick that Colonel Brandon likes Elinor and not Marianne. So I'm left wondering when Elinor (even after being told) will realize that Brandon likes her. It's been obvious the ENTIRE book. Which is why it's a shock to find out that he likes Marianne, because I didn't believe it.
Elinor & Co. are invited to dinner by John Dashwood at Edward's mother's house and she worries that she might run into Edward. Which raises the question of WHY IN THE FUCK WOULD YOU EVEN GO? I've known people to worry that they might run into so-and-so at a party and I always scream back at them the only common sense solution: DON'T GO.
Drama is so easy to avoid, but no one in this book wants to avoid it.
*Maybe I'm only thinking of Jurassic Park because I keep imagining Colonel Brandon as John "no expense spared" Hammond. The same actor also played Santa Claus in Miracle on 34th Street but that's irrelevant to this book (so far).