Pride & Prejudice: Come at me Bro!

Chapters Read: 22 - 61
Sanity Level: Gone like yesterday.
Update: Instead of "intelligence" can we just call it what it is? Gossip.

Their visit to Mrs. Phillips were now productive of the most interesting intelligence.

I've never watched Gossip Girl but I'm thinking the basis for those books/TV show might be Jane Austen's works. It's a bunch of Victorian he-said-she-said conjecture, after all. Even the grown men (except Darcy) fall into the trap of being a prissy 13-year-old girl on her cell phone talking about last night's make out party.

I also missed something on my initial read of this book (because I've only read it a dozen times). It made me think differently of Elizabeth Bennet:

..."Will you tell me how long you have loved him?"  

"It has been coming on so gradually that I hardly know when it began. But I believe I must date it from my first seeing his beautiful grounds at Pemberley." 

Wait. Hold up. Either you like the man because he keeps a clean garden or you like the man because his house is huge. I think it's the latter. Now I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger, but she ain't messin' with no broke, broke.

This time around I am astounded to realize that Darcy and Bingley are both bros. No. Not related. They're bros. Brahs. They spend a majority of the first half of the book talking about what girls they thought were hot and dismissing the ones that aren't. Bingley even throws parties so he can dance with all the young ladies. Darcy at one point talks to Bingley at a ball in Meryton:

“Which do you mean?” and turning round, he looked for a moment at Elizabeth, till catching her eye, he withdrew his own and coldly said, “She is tolerable; but not handsome enough to tempt me; and I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men. You had better return to your partner and enjoy her smiles, for you are wasting your time with me.”

Let me get my bullshit translator out:

"Which chick, bro?" and turning around he looked at Elizabeth for a moment, caught her looking at him (going to the gym was starting to pay off, his triceps were huge!), turned back to Bingley and said flatly, "No way bro; she's not pretty enough for me; and I'm not in a good mood anyways because all these girls here are bitches of a lower order. You should go try to tap that Jane chick. Later bro."

And I'm suppose to think that Darcy is some redeemable character because he helped out Elizabeth's sister Lydia, forgave Wickham, and hooked Bingley and Jane back up?

No. No, no, no, no, no. Darcy does not deserve forgiveness. He only changed so he could get Elizabeth. Which a worthy cause, is not a real reason to change.

To quote Fall Out Boy: seasons change, people don't. Mr. Darcy changed so he could get something. That means his change is temporary. It also means that he only--as most bros would admit--wanted what he couldn't have. Elizabeth.

Maybe it's because it's early. Maybe it's because I'm already tired of this challenge. But damn it, this one just made me surly.